Assertive Is Not Irrational!

Jennifer Lawrence recently posted about her reaction to finding out she was being paid significantly less than her fellow male actors.  She explained that she, "... didn’t want to seem difficult or spoiled" by negotiating for more money. (Full article: http://on.fb.me/1PdVglF) I found it interesting at the time, but I didn't really think deeply about it until this morning.  

No one likes going to the car dealership unless it's to buy a new car.  Inevitably, taking your car in means money spent - money you've worked hard for.  When the service agent started talking about a diagnostics charge on top of several other things I was having done, and I raised my eyebrows both figuratively and literally, he immediately took on that stance that seems to be the standard go-to when a woman acts even remotely assertive.  You know the tone of voice ... the I'm talking to a child or a wild animal I'm afraid will attack voice.  You can envision the person putting their hands up in self-defense and using the placating, soothing tone of voice while backing away slowly.  What the ... ???  I wasn't upset, I wasn't rude, and I didn't even have a tone in my voice.  I simply stated that no one had ever mentioned this in the years we'd been coming to this dealership, and I wanted to know more about why, etc.  Not only did he use THAT voice, but he lectured me about how it was the same as dealing with a plumber or electrician.  

I sat down to wait and pulled my computer out to work, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized there had been a trend in my life lately that was hard to ignore.  A little reflecting had me realizing this wasn't the first instance lately of being treated like I was difficult. When having my tires rotated a couple of weeks ago I had to stand my ground when they didn't want to honor my warranty.  Then ANOTHER incident recently when I asked another parent to meet with me, and she refused and hid behind a lecture via text.  What?  

I've always been a people pleaser.  I hate making anyone mad, and I think I'll always feel that way to a degree, but I'm also learning it's perfectly okay for me to push back and question things without getting the label of being too "emotional" or "female".  What does that mean anyway?  As far as emotions go, mine are fairly even-keeled most of the time.  I don't usually have major mood swings, and I'm rarely angry.  I get irritated and frustrated like anyone else, but unless you're one of my kids (let's face it, they think I'm Medusa or something) you'd hardly notice.  I'm easy to get along with as long as you don't mess with my kids, I avoid drama, don't like conflict, and I generally keep my opinions regarding controversial issues to myself unless specifically asked.

So why the noticeable change? What's different?  Oh my goodness, I am different.  This year has been one of growth and change and pushing beyond my comfort zones.  In the process, I've started realizing it's okay to *gasp* NOT always agree with everyone all of the time. Not only that, but it is OKAY to disagree without being treated like I'm irrational and a potentially dangerous wild animal.

Wait!  What?  You mean it's OKAY to say, "I don't like that." or push for a full explanation?  Yes, yes it is.  Don't get me wrong, I'm still not going to be raising my voice, stamping my feet, and flailing my arms around wildly.  I still think the best method for dealing with the majority of situations is to just be polite and friendly.  But I have to stop thinking that if I don't quietly nod and smile and say, "okay" to everything, I'll be THAT woman.  I AM a woman, for Pete's sake, but that isn't BAD. What's the worst thing that will happen?  They won't like me?  *shrugs* They might talk about me when I leave? Eh *shrugs again* 


Not every hill is worth dying on. Sometimes, small-minded people are going to make assumptions I can't change.  However, in the interest of continuing to stretch my comfort zones and evolve so I don't become stagnant, I think I can deal with the occasional person making those assumptions.  Maybe I should just have little cards made up to hand out.  Come on, can you imagine the looks on their faces if I hand them this and walk away? 

Time to go smile and pretend I'm happy when the dealership tells me they're charging me approximately $1.23 million to fix my brake rotor.  

Wait - what?  Apparently, I still have a few things to work on.