From Under the Blanket

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┊ ★ January 1, 2016

☆ I didn't enter 2015 with expectations of major personal change.  In fact, I was oblivious to what the year had in store for me.  After an unfortunate experience in 2012 I'd sworn off new friendships and pulled snugly into my introverted world.  As 2014 came to a close I expected to spend 2015 continuing with craft shows while running my Etsy shop and stealing time to read while chasing the teenager from one activity to the next and surviving the adolescent's looming teenage years.  Like many stay-at-home moms, I'd spent the previous 16 years being a mom and wife.  I didn't know who or what I was outside of those things. Yes, I had the craft shows and filled hair bow orders steadily in between, but it felt like a placeholder.  A placeholder for what, I had no idea.  

☆ During an 8 month stint between 2012-2013 I had four surgeries, and I spent a great deal of time recovering and reading. I've always loved books, and the escape they afford, but stumbling into the world of indie books during this time brought me to a few authors that not only captivated me but set the stage for 2015 to stretch me far beyond my comfort zone. One set the stage for a new friendship I'd sworn I would never open myself to again. She's amazing and seems to love me for all of my oddities. The other took a chance on me and gave me not only a job but an opportunity to push myself through some long-needed growing pains and helped me answer the question, "What do I want to be when I grow up?" She quickly became my favorite author of all time and remains so. This job forces me to push beyond my preference of sliding under the radar. It's unpredictable when I've always gravitated towards the safety of predictability. It's flexible but challenging, and it provides the opportunity to learn new things all of the time. I've done things this year you couldn't have convinced me a year ago I'd do. I'm still learning, and I intend to continue.

☆ A major revelation for me last year was to stop seeing being an introvert as a shortcoming. HOW did that become a way of thinking? Why is needing alone time to recharge something to feel apologetic about? Why does it make me weird to be happier at home with a book than going out to dinner with people or joining some group activity at church? The correct answer is that it's NOT bad/wrong/weird. If someone thinks it is, then so be it! We all have our happy place. The best thing is that I've realized I CAN do those things that I'm not necessarily comfortable doing. But it took having to do some of it in order to realize there's a difference between discomfort and inability. I'm capable of doing all of it. It costs me more energy, means I need a chance to refill my internal battery later, but I'm more than capable. That was a realization for me -- an important one. Often, when I mention to someone that I'm a terrible introvert, their reaction is, "But you aren't shy at all!" That's because being shy and being introverted are very different. Look it up -- learn something new! And don't argue about it because I'm fairly certain I know my own mind.  Feel sorry for Wes because he's an extrovert married to an introvert. He likes to tell me I've ruined him. I like to tell him to come to the dark side.

☆ I really have no idea what's in store for 2016. I know I'm so thankful for my family being patient now that I have my nose stuck in social media or a book every single day. They tolerate my workaholic tendencies well. My intentions are to continue with the same mindset I had for 2015. Someone I admire greatly told me she decided years ago to intentionally do things that made her uncomfortable (paraphrased). If she reads this, I hope she knows I not only listened but made a point to do it!

☆ So here's to another year of making myself uncomfortable and doing new things! ☆