Assertive Is Not Irrational!

Jennifer Lawrence recently posted about her reaction to finding out she was being paid significantly less than her fellow male actors.  She explained that she, "... didn’t want to seem difficult or spoiled" by negotiating for more money. (Full article: http://on.fb.me/1PdVglF) I found it interesting at the time, but I didn't really think deeply about it until this morning.  

No one likes going to the car dealership unless it's to buy a new car.  Inevitably, taking your car in means money spent - money you've worked hard for.  When the service agent started talking about a diagnostics charge on top of several other things I was having done, and I raised my eyebrows both figuratively and literally, he immediately took on that stance that seems to be the standard go-to when a woman acts even remotely assertive.  You know the tone of voice ... the I'm talking to a child or a wild animal I'm afraid will attack voice.  You can envision the person putting their hands up in self-defense and using the placating, soothing tone of voice while backing away slowly.  What the ... ???  I wasn't upset, I wasn't rude, and I didn't even have a tone in my voice.  I simply stated that no one had ever mentioned this in the years we'd been coming to this dealership, and I wanted to know more about why, etc.  Not only did he use THAT voice, but he lectured me about how it was the same as dealing with a plumber or electrician.  

I sat down to wait and pulled my computer out to work, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized there had been a trend in my life lately that was hard to ignore.  A little reflecting had me realizing this wasn't the first instance lately of being treated like I was difficult. When having my tires rotated a couple of weeks ago I had to stand my ground when they didn't want to honor my warranty.  Then ANOTHER incident recently when I asked another parent to meet with me, and she refused and hid behind a lecture via text.  What?  

I've always been a people pleaser.  I hate making anyone mad, and I think I'll always feel that way to a degree, but I'm also learning it's perfectly okay for me to push back and question things without getting the label of being too "emotional" or "female".  What does that mean anyway?  As far as emotions go, mine are fairly even-keeled most of the time.  I don't usually have major mood swings, and I'm rarely angry.  I get irritated and frustrated like anyone else, but unless you're one of my kids (let's face it, they think I'm Medusa or something) you'd hardly notice.  I'm easy to get along with as long as you don't mess with my kids, I avoid drama, don't like conflict, and I generally keep my opinions regarding controversial issues to myself unless specifically asked.

So why the noticeable change? What's different?  Oh my goodness, I am different.  This year has been one of growth and change and pushing beyond my comfort zones.  In the process, I've started realizing it's okay to *gasp* NOT always agree with everyone all of the time. Not only that, but it is OKAY to disagree without being treated like I'm irrational and a potentially dangerous wild animal.

Wait!  What?  You mean it's OKAY to say, "I don't like that." or push for a full explanation?  Yes, yes it is.  Don't get me wrong, I'm still not going to be raising my voice, stamping my feet, and flailing my arms around wildly.  I still think the best method for dealing with the majority of situations is to just be polite and friendly.  But I have to stop thinking that if I don't quietly nod and smile and say, "okay" to everything, I'll be THAT woman.  I AM a woman, for Pete's sake, but that isn't BAD. What's the worst thing that will happen?  They won't like me?  *shrugs* They might talk about me when I leave? Eh *shrugs again* 


Not every hill is worth dying on. Sometimes, small-minded people are going to make assumptions I can't change.  However, in the interest of continuing to stretch my comfort zones and evolve so I don't become stagnant, I think I can deal with the occasional person making those assumptions.  Maybe I should just have little cards made up to hand out.  Come on, can you imagine the looks on their faces if I hand them this and walk away? 

Time to go smile and pretend I'm happy when the dealership tells me they're charging me approximately $1.23 million to fix my brake rotor.  

Wait - what?  Apparently, I still have a few things to work on.  

Reality is Lurking ...

Lunch at 

Rotolo's Pizzeria

Teensy Spatulas

The day was hot and sunny when we headed into town,  but I scoped out the forecast and saw rain was predicted, so we headed into town to hunt for lunch and do something "touristy".  After lunch, the pizzeria also sold gelato ... which is good ... however, what the crap is it with the teensy flat spatulas they expect you to scoop (shove it out of the side) with?!  Either we're supposed to pretend we are giants, or the teensy spatulas are meant to make you feel like the expensive gelato lasts longer.  It was good, but the memory of everyone trying to get it on the spatula while it melted and oozed out of the sides was what made it worth it. You can see Caleb's opinion of the messy challenge in the picture!

  

After lunch, Wes decided go-carts would be fun.  After scoping out The Track online, he thought it looked like fun.  The go-carts went up and around a couple of stories high on tracks then came swooping down only to climb back up and do it all over again.  Katlyn rode with Wes (not tall enough to drive, thank goodness), and she was scared (shhhh, don't tell her I told) of the downhill turns.  Caleb had a blast and went back a second time!

                          The Track

Caleb Passing By

I'll admit, I'm a terrible introvert.  (I really am, don't argue, that's an entirely separate subject for another day)  I am FAR more comfortable watching from the sidelines than I am joining in.  I had intended to do just that.  I possess a tendency to back off from things that are unfamiliar or make me uncomfortable and am usually happier observing from the periphery.  Someone I admire very much recently told me they used to make themselves do things they weren't comfortable with.  I actually stopped and thought about that today ... and I put it into practice.  You know what?  It was fun.  Once was enough, but I didn't let being uncomfortable with the unfamiliar stop me from joining in with Wes and the kids, and I am glad I didn't.

When we finished with the go-carts, you could see the storm clouds ominously rolling in, so we headed back to the mall for a couple of last minute shopping errands thinking it would be a quick shower ... yeah, no.  Hopefully, the video loaded so you can see what this "shower" turned out to be.  Needless to say, we're glad we weren't on the beach this time.  I didn't want to buy ANOTHER canopy.  *cha-ching*

My youngest child is certain life is unfair because we weren't able to swim one more time.  We had every intention to hang out on the beach this evening, but the weather had far different plans.  It's a hard knock life, y'all.

However, we were able to go out tonight and walk the beach one last time and light up sparklers we bought July 4th just for this purpose!

I'm telling myself I'll sneak out early tomorrow morning.  I've been up early every day, but actually getting dressed and making it out before sunrise could be iffy.  Either way, we'll be home tomorrow night.  I hate leaving our little bubble, but I'm also ready to be home in my own space, with my two kitties, and finding a routine again. <--- oh no ... real life is waiting!

Sunsets for the Soul

Today ended like this.  By chance, I glanced outside and saw brilliant colors streaking across the sky, lighting up the horizon.  Sunset is my favorite time of the day, and on the coast it's like a breathtaking painting most nights.  

We spent the afternoon on the beach, and I made myself stop - really stop.  No phone, no Facebook, no iPad ... just playing in the water with Wes and the kids.  The kids and I searched the sand for tiny shells to fit in a bottle.  Then Wes and I sat for quite some time in a tidal pool just digging up tiny clams and watching them dig their way back down into the sand.  It was so pointless, so beach-like ... so ... "still".  I don't sit still often, and even when my body is still, my brain is not.  I don't do idle.  I NEEDED to do idle, even if it was just for a short time.  I probably dug up 50 clams, and I found enjoyment every time holding them in my hand putting them back in the sand to watch them burrow back into their safe place.  

Tomorrow is our last full day in Gulf Shores, and I am going to miss the protective bubble of vacation.  It's not that the pressures of life are gone ... they're just filtered, to a degree. You know it's all still there, waiting and pressing against the bubble, but the diluted effect is so nice.  

We took Wes's First Up canopy back out to the beach this afternoon.  *insert Taps music*  Yeah .... no.  It's a goner.  He'll be purchasing something new for deer camp this year.  The beach claimed its victim, and I'm glad Hurricane Davis went for the inanimate object rather than teensy little Katlyn or something.  Our little tax deduction wonderful child would be missed.  *wink*

The kids are going to miss the unlimited WiFi next week.  Maybe AT&T will get busy and grant us some actual REAL WiFi on our road sometimes this year.  #neanderthals 

The Great Jellyfish Debacle

Scary, Evil Jellyfish

The jellyfish I've seen in person tend to look like large globs of clear snot ... or phlegm, if you prefer.  I've been fortunate to avoid encounters with them, but my children weren't so lucky today. If you've ever watched the show FRIENDS, you're going to understand that, despite my sadness over my children being stung, my favorite episode was playing on a loop in my head.  Maybe you know the episode - The One With the Jellyfish.

Remember when Joey was tired from digging the huge hole?

As my children innocently swam in the ocean, they: (and here's where the story varies depending on the parties involved)

A:  were viciously attacked

B: inadvertently brushed up against

... a couple of jellyfish.  Who knows, considering it happened consecutively and not simultaneously, this could've been the same rogue jellyfish.  No one else on the beach appeared to be writhing in agony or running in circles as though someone had lit their bathing suits on fire.  So just like Monica from FRIENDS, they "got stung, got stung bad". <--- insert dramatic flair 

The caption is hilarious, but in the interest of not offending
anyone, let's just say Monica told off the jellyfish. 

No, we did not pee on our children.  I'm sorry, but EW.  First of all, there's debate as to the effect of peeing on a jellyfish sting, and on the beach in Gulf Shores, Alabama is not the place I intend to test the theory and validity of such a practice.  Secondly, I have a shy bladder, so forget peeing on anyone. With the sympathy and devotion that only parents can muster we told them to get back in the water so it would feel better.  #parentsoftheyear  

Before you get all judgy, neither child was horrifically maimed, and these were minor stings in comparison to other things they've endured. Caleb proceeded to kick the waves as they broke on the shore, and Katlyn ran back and forth from the edge of the water to relay about 2,345.73 times that it "really hurt", but she was acting preteen dramatic enough to ensure her health was quite firmly intact.

So far, Gulf Shores 2015 is proving to be a very interesting trip.  Between Hurricane Davis and the Great Jellyfish Debacle, I dare say we'll have stories to tell for a few years.  Like any stellar parent, I told them they had to pause their painful prancing long enough for me to take a picture:

I can't help but wonder what tomorrow will bring.  I might need some new hashtags soon because #beachbums2015 and #maythegulfbewithyou seem entirely too tame right now!

On a completely unrelated note,
Caleb named this seagull Steve.  He then decided all of the seagulls should be called Steve.  The only thing I think of when I see them is the moment in Finding Nemo when all the seagulls say, "Mine.  Mine.  Mine Mine."

Hurricane Davis

Storm rolling in

I love storms. <---- True statement.  I love watching the sky darken, hearing the thunder, and listening to the rain coming down.  Know what's not the same?  Sitting in a storm on the beach, under a canopy. Storms on the coast are not the equivalent of sitting on my porch in the Ozarks.  Coastal storms are like that redneck guy you see going down the road in a truck so large you know he's over compensating showing off.  Yeah, that.  

What started off as a few raindrops, and a little thunder, turned into nature's temper tantrum.  Katlyn is asking every two minutes if she can go back into the water ... while lightning streaks across the sky.  Yeah ... no.  If anyone opens their mouth, sand flies in at an alarming rate.  However, at this point, going back inside means attempting to carry 99 things (WHY do we carry so much crap to the beach?) with us and trying to take the canopy down so it doesn't blow away. Do we stay?  Do we go?  Is it almost over?  Is this the end?  (not so much that) Oh yeah, at this point we are HOLDING DOWN the canopy from underneath it.  Up and down the beach, people are huddled under their canopies or rushing back to their townhouses overladen with whatever they can grab.  Decisions, decisions.

We gave up and started hauling our crap necessary beach essentials back. In the end, the canopy broke anyway, and we all looked like drowned rats. At one point, the wind was blowing so hard that the float Caleb was carrying blew away towards the water.  Wes, obviously in some sort of hurricane shock, yells over the wind for him to get it because he can't just litter.  We've all had quite a few laughs at that one because the ocean was filled with stuff that had blown away during the storm. We never did find that float.

Cozy Beach Home Pre-Hurricane Davis

We made it back inside, all desperate to be warm and remove sand from every orifice of our bodies.  I discovered, to my dismay, that my skin was actually blue.  Yes, I was cold.  No, I was not hypothermic.  My favorite swim suit cover up is a lovely blue and purple tie-dyed pattern.  You do the math.  I looked like a smurf. 

 





And our first full day in Gulf Shores will be a memory worthy of retelling in years to come.  In the moment, it was less-than-funny.  We spent our second day shopping, so yesterday was far less exciting.  The kids swam,  read, and Wes sat inside in the air conditioning watching Amazon Prime.  Nothing quite as exciting as the first day, but I'd say the second day was a success.

Nighttime Swim

Kicking it Gulf Shores Style

*Post from Saturday July 11th, 2015*

This sunset picture is from a couple of years ago, but it’s exactly where we are as of about twenty minutes ago.  We’re here, in Gulf Shores, Alabama.  *sigh of relief*

Last night’s stay in the Jackson, MS Hilton was a nice way to break up the trip.  LOTS of traffic today readjusted the remaining 4 ½ hrs into about 7 ½ hrs.  However, we aren’t on a schedule, we made it just fine, so who really cares?  

I’m super thankful for work I can do at home, at a hotel, in the car … on the beach.  #blessing  I'm thankful for it every single day. 

We DID make our traditional stop at The Watermelon Patch store on I-49 where they sell my absolute FAVORITE shoes in the entire world - Yellow Box flip flops.  If you know me remotely, you know the Yellow Box thing is top notch in my book.  The only thing missing today is Starbucks, but that’s more than okay since I'll find ways to make up for that.  

Katlyn currently believes she’s going insane because we haven’t gone outside onto the beach yet. She’s literally prowling the townhouse … up, down, in, out. Caleb and Wes are checking out what’s available On Demand via cable, then they want to forage nearby restaurants for food, however, so she may have to suffer for awhile longer. In true Jamie fashion, I finished unpacking and made sure the WiFi worked!  #priorities

It’s time to breathe a little …