Choosing Adoption after Infertility

On October 20, 2005 we stood before a judge in Wichita Falls, TX while he signed papers officially giving this little girl our last name. She was our baby long before this day, but that signature signified the end of a very long journey to complete our family. 

Prior to adoption we spent five years struggling with infertility.  Since we were overseas while Wes served in the Air Force, we did the bulk of our infertility treatments in a foreign country, with a crooked doctor.  He was a terrible man, that doctor.  But that is a subject for another blog post (Here, if you're curious) because this one is about a little girl who charged into our lives at full throttle and continues to keep us on our toes every day. 

Even though we lived across the Atlantic on the day she was born, we already knew she would be in our lives one day.  We knew the situation she was born into was not a good one. Call it intuition, call it a gut feeling, but we knew. This tiny girl came into the world at 29 weeks weighing only 2lbs and 2oz. She spent the first two months of her life in the NICU.  Preemies come into the world fighting, and so many of them retain that spunky, driven personality as they grow up.  Ours did.  

Although blessed to spend time with her a couple of times in the first year of her life, she didn't come to us until she was a year old.  From the moment we told Caleb he was going to have a little sister, he immediately accepted that she was part of our family.   He would draw pictures of his family and include her despite the fact she wasn't with us yet.  There was no transition necessary, no jealousy, no need to have it explained repeatedly.  He just accepted he didn't have a sister before but did now.  Children have such beautiful hearts.

I wish I could tell you we all adjusted that easily.  This tiny girl turned our household upside down, but from the very first moment I took her in my arms, she was MY baby...our baby. She was behind developmentally, as preemies often are. She had separation anxiety, and she would scream like a banshee if I left the room.  WOW could that girl scream.  But I took up yoga to keep my sanity, Wes learned to FINALLY change diapers (not so much with Caleb—okay, EVER), and we all adjusted slowly but surely.

We never hid Katlyn's adoption from her.  We celebrated it.  We told her how special she was, she completed our family, she was the answer to all of the prayers and the heartache we endured to complete our family. We told her we knew we were supposed to be a family of four—she was the answer to all of the whys and hows and longing. However, although we were open about the subject, we didn't share the origins and details behind her adoption with her until just recently. Not every story of adoption begins with beautiful sacrifice by people who just want better for their offspring.  Wes and I agreed early we'd never lie to her.  Because no matter what would happen later in life, we wanted her to know she could depend on us for honesty and support and answers where we could provide them. Reality is sometimes people are selfish and not everyone who CAN have children should...and frankly, sometimes they just plain suck.

I've spent the last nearly 18 years as a mother teaching my children that LOVE IS A CHOICE.  Every single day we wake up and choose to love.  It's not an accident, no special formula exists. I've told them time and again that being a parent isn't about who biologically creates you.  It's those who are there for you as you grow up.  The ones who take care of you when you're sick, hug you after the millionth tantrum, potty train you, teach you to ride a bike, help you learn morals, make you do your homework, provide for you, sacrifice for you...put you first.  Being a parent is setting aside selfish desires.  It's being there for your children SO much they can take you for granted.  Because at the end of the day, every child SHOULD be able to assume their parents will be there for them and love them...unconditionally.  

Being a parent is one of the hardest jobs in the world.  It's also one of the most rewarding.  Your children can simultaneously love you and hate you...revere you and despise you...want to be with you but detest being in your presence.  They will take you for granted, stomp on your heart, then put their arms around you and meld the pieces of your heart together once again. 

God blessed us with the opportunity to adopt after we'd given up on having more children.  And as we've told Katlyn a million times, where we thought His answer was no, it was really that we just needed to wait because His plan was a bit different.  

And we wouldn't change it for the world.

Happy adoption day, Katlyn.  Thank you for completing our family. We love you unconditionally, we love you forever, and you are our baby girl now and always.