*SOMETIMES* I'm A Lousy Mother!

**Repost from last May from an old Blog -- but the essence is the same no matter when/who/where**

*Sometimes* I’m a lousy mother.

Mother’s Day weekend finds me sitting in the car outside of my oldest child’s first job shadowing opportunity. It’s Saturday, traffic is awful, and my attempt at shopping was thwarted by the immense crowds thronging every place within a ten mile radius. No thanks, I’ll sit in the car with my own little personal space. Besides, Starbucks happy hour isn’t for another hour and a half.
Body image isn’t the only way women are trained to compare themselves. Social media is full of examples of super moms who can handle it all, with a smile no doubt, and perfect hair and singing songs while birds sing in chorus as back up. Yeah, that’s not me. Either social media is not necessarily always truthful (*gasp* say it isn’t so), or I’m just WAY down the list of possible super moms.

~ I don’t cook my kids (or husband) breakfast. Nope, I get up at 5:00 M-F to fix lunches, fix hair, find clothes, keep everyone organized, AND make sure they are not late. That includes getting myself ready as well. So no, I don’t cook in the morning. They have to be out of the door by 6:25 am to be on time, so Pop Tarts, pastries, and cereal seem perfectly fine by me.

~ Sometimes I gripe about having to drive them everywhere. YES, I’ve been a SAHM for 16 years. YES, I know it’s privilege, but you know what? I’m freaking human. I get tired. I get busy. And sometimes I don’t want to drive 20 minutes back into town for ANOTHER time that day. But I do it despite the sigh or the eye roll.

~ I’m learning to juggle being a WORK at home mom now on top of a SAHM. Yeah, the last part didn’t disappear because I have a couple of work at home jobs. I’m still suppose to keep everything going, give all the attention everyone needs, AND manage to keep up with jobs. Just because they aren’t full time doesn’t mean it’s less of a learning process. My husband thinks I’m always too busy for him, my kids always have to hear, “Hang on, I have to work for a few more minutes,”, and more than once lately I’ve said they’re getting frozen pizza because I don’t have time to cook. I’ll figure it out - eventually - but I’m not terribly apologetic because it’s OKAY for them to realize that I’m more than a chef, maid, chauffeur, and hair stylist. I’m an entire person that encompasses those things AS WELL as others. Some of them I’m still figuring out since I’ve spent so many years of my life focusing mostly on the first three things.

~ I don’t volunteer with school anymore. I spent SO MANY YEARS volunteering for most things at school. I ran organized parties, ran book fairs, tutored, stuffed Tuesday folders, and made copies. I’m still there for every Award Ceremony, for every performance, but I just don’t have time to volunteer for things right now. I’m not going to feel guilty because I DID put a lot of years into it.

~ I get frustrated with my kids. My daughter is very high maintenance. She’s adorable and sweet and loving, but she requires a lot “MORE” all the way around from day to day. I can’t help it, I get frustrated. I will look them right in the eye and tell them they’re being annoying. SOMETIMES THEY ARE! Better me tell them than someone at school that uses it to ridicule or laugh at them. People sometimes can’t handle that we are blunt with our kids. No one is perfect all of the time - including them - it doesn’t make me a bad parent to tell them when they’re being jerks.

All of those things, and a myriad of others, make me a lousy mom sometimes. However, there are many more things that make me great that are often ignored on those days I feel guilty for what I’m not.

~ I pick my kids up every day from school.
~ I spend hours sitting in the car driving, waiting, driving more.
~ I’m teaching my teenager to drive. It’s scary. I’m doing it.
~ I might not bake in the kitchen with them, but I do take them places, bring them little treats, etc.
~ I pack their lunch every day so they don’t have to eat school food.
~ Even if it’s frozen, not organic, and wasn’t made from scratch, I make sure they eat every day.
~ I’m always there after school. They can take me for granted because I’ll be there, and that’s something.
~ I explain WHY I’m pissy when they act rotten so they will understand how to act in the real world.

I could go on because every day is filled with things I do great and many other things where I fail. It’s okay. I’m here. I adore my kids. Being a mom is everything I wanted out of life, and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Even as I sit here, in the car again, waiting for my teenager as usual, I’m not sorry. I’m ready to go home, but I’m not sorry.