Don't Bother Apologizing

Anti-Apology: The "art" of apologizing insincerely.

I have work to do, minutes are ticking by, but I'm staring at this blog post screen instead.  My coffee cup is empty.  Why is the coffee gone? 

... hold for coffee refill, please ...

For whatever reason, I've noticed more and more that people apologize without really apologizing. Perhaps it's the constant exchange of internet snarkiness and that protective layer people think they have through computers or smart phones.  It's as if people think communicating via the internet or text negates the need to be civil.  Regardless of the reason, the fact remains we ALL have to apologize to someone on occasion. Maybe it's just me, but I'd rather someone not apologize at all rather than to give me an insincere platitude. I've had several opportunities lately to gather examples. 

Incorrect: "I'm sorry if you feel _____." 

Correct: "I'm sorry I hurt your feelings when I said ______."

Incorrect: "I'm sorry if you think ______."

Correct: "I'm sorry if I came across wrong. What I really meant to say was _____."

Incorrect: "I'm sorry if you're mad."

Correct: "I'm sorry I ____."

You can't tell someone you're sorry "if they feel" or you're sorry "if they think".  You know whether or not you have a need to apologize for something.  Don't attempt to negate their feelings to make yourself feel better.

The essence of the anti-apology

Let's face it, that's what you're really saying.

If you're going to offer an anti-apology, don't offer one at all.  Anti-apologies only incite more aggravation for the recipient They're patronizing, they invalidate the recipient's feelings, and they just downright blow chunks (because I'm eloquent).  So don't do it.  Want to be a jerk?  Just be one.  Please don't fake apologize, so I don't have to fake accept.